Dating mistakes with
"In healthy relationships, there are dollops of positivity, very frequently doled out," Heitler says."They can be smiles, eye contact, hugs or touching, verbal comments like 'I agree with that' or 'good point' or even the word 'yes.' Listening, agreement, appreciation, affection -- those all send out positive energy that envelop both people in sunshine." Those gestures remind both partners that they like each other, and friendship is at the heart of successful marriages, Karam says."Lots of couples operate on what they assume in their head because they grew up that way, that if it works for them, it works for their partners," Karam says.Resentment can easily build if expectations differ or are dashed on the rocks of hard reality.Karam calls it the "demand-withdraw" dynamic: One person wants a conversation, but the other hasn't figured out how to respond or appears to have shut down, so the speaker presses further. If that happens in your relationship a lot, remember to pause to let your spouse absorb what you're saying and have "a chance to validate what they've heard," Karam says.It might be useful to take a hard look at what is fixed -- personality quirks, for example -- and what can be changed.
Once considered a way for socially awkward people to meet, dating services are now immensely popular with people of all types.Some women repeat their complaint or a concern a few times in an effort to get their husband's attention.Some men may call that nagging, but it may just be about having different communication styles.He is an assistant professor of couples therapy at the University of Louisville.But many couples don't have those discussions and are operating on auto-pilot.